* * * Excerpts * * *

Stop Looking at Me!

by J.Gail

 

Excerpt – Part 2

 

(continued)

“I ain’t mean to. So what’s up wit it?” he asked casually as he watched her face with a serious expression on his own. He looked even sexier when he didn’t smile. His tone was commanding and loud. He had a grit to his voice that sounded like he had swallowed hot soup and never healed from the burn. Tracy loved a masculine man.

 

“Umm. Not much,” Tracy said, trying to play off how anxious she was, now that she felt sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. She wiped at it, trying not to look obvious. She hoped she hadn’t smeared any of her foundation off.

 

“You live around here don’t you? I think I seen you a couple times,” he said with a nod in that strong, gritty voice again.

 

Tracy cringed a little at his extreme ebonics. “Yea, I moved out here for school.”

 

“I don’t be coming up to chicks like this,” he started, and even sounded uneasy at first, but he quickly figured out what he wanted to say and continued. “You heading to the subway right?  Let me walk wit you for a minute.”

 

Tracy wondered why and how he would know she was going to the subway. Has he been watching me? And why is he out hanging around outside at seven in the morning?

 

“You aiight?” he asked when Tracy just looked at him like he was crazy. He softened a little and realized why she was tripping. “Look I’m Mike. But they call me Moony. I live at Prince’s Towers.”

 

Tracy reluctantly started walking down the street. “Why do they call you ‘Moony’?”

 

“Long story,” he said as he turned back towards his partner and nodded his head up in the air as if to say “holla at you later.”

 

They walked and made small talk during the short walk to the ‘4’ train station. Tracy was still feeling on edge and trying to figure this guy out. During a moment of silence in their conversation, she looked at him and caught his eye. She became fixated on his face for a while as they continued walking. He just looked back at her and winked, never so much as moving his lips. He was so serious.

 

What was this overwhelming tingly feeling she had going on between her thighs? To her surprise he kept walking her down the stairs descending to the subway, but instead of comforting her, it made her guards go up until they were finally downstairs near other people again. She still didn’t know this guy.

 

“Yo Tracy,” he finally said and stopped when they were a few steps from the subway turnstyles.

 

“Yes?” Tracy asked expectantly. She liked the way her name rolled off his tongue, ever since she first told it to him.

 

“Imma check you out later,” he said as he frowned up his forehead to convey a deeper meaning behind his words.

 

Tracy was speechless as she again became entranced by his steady gaze. “Okay.”

 

She turned and hurriedly swiped her Metrocard to go through. Her body was hot and she was sure that she had sweat circles forming on her blouse in the armpit area. She felt like a complete idiot and didn’t know what to do or say. She didn’t turn back again to look at Mike, but could feel his gaze on her sweaty neck.

 

On the entire train ride, Tracy couldn’t get the image of Mike out of her mind’s eye. His face was the kind that made women sell all their shit just to get a nice new outfit to show off in front of him. His body was that of a brother that stayed in the gym. And those eyes; so intense and… severe. And genuine. That was what really had turned her on. Boy what was it about him? There were plenty of attractive hood types in the South Bronx, but none of them had ever caught her eye like that. This brother from the neighborhood was making her giddy!

 

She had never in her life dated anyone that didn’t have a corporate or professional job like herself. She preferred preppies, smart guys and nerds. She looked down on men that stayed in the streets, putting them all inside one neat category—dangerous and ignorant. She never gave any of the guys in her neighborhood the time of day for more reasons than one. The biggest reason was that she didn’t like people around where she lived being in her business and knowing where she lived. She lived by the credo “don’t shit where you eat” and believed it was a bad idea on any day to take on a jumpoff or boyfriend who lived nearby.

 

But Mike. He might be the exception.

 

As soon at that thought crossed her mind, she felt her period about to come down.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

At her job Tracy was usually a wreck on the inside, and a picture of composure on the outside. She had a nagging feeling that three people in her department were out to get her fired.

 

There was Sheryl Cromby, the head admin on her floor. She had a mean streak like no other, and it was only towards the admins who she believed to be ‘beneath’ her. She and Tracy had bumped heads on more than one occasion.

 

Jerry Miller was an arrogant bastard who worked as a consultant in the creative department, which really meant he did nothing but drink coffee, attend meetings, and send emails. Tracy always believed that she should have his job—she was way more qualified and twice as brilliant. He had tried to hit on Tracy one time in the break room. Or at least it seemed as if he were making a pass, in Tracy’s opinion. They were talking about a difficult project that Tracy had basically orchestrated which turned into a positive sales trend for the store. He had said “That compilation was a doozy. But you’re probably like me, you like it when things are hard.” Tracy became so infuriated at his comment that she reported him to HR. They came to a compromise, making it impossible for Tracy to ever be placed on his team again for future projects. Ever since that episode she felt as if Jerry had it out for her for dragging his name through the mud, and that others in her office thought she had exaggerated the whole situation. She kept her guard up.

 

Finally, there was good old Mary Higgans. She was, but wasn’t really, one of Tracy’s bosses. It was never written in stone or communicated directly to Tracy that this woman was someone she would have to report to, but she always, always, had work that needed to be done. So whenever Mary requested that Tracy perform work for her, Tracy would do a half-assed job, hoping it would make her go to some other administrative secretary in the future. But that never worked, and instead Mary eventually reported her shoddy work to the department head, James Clark, who had a ‘talk’ with Tracy in his office. Despite her argument to James that she didn’t even report to Mary, James told her that whenever Mary had a work overflow she was clear to ask Tracy for help and that it needed to be of the utmost quality. Tracy was fuming after that one.

 

So needless to say, Tracy was walking on eggshells at work and watching her enemies closely.

 

Whenever one of those three people entered the breakroom while she was there, Tracy would leave it promptly. When they came in the bathroom she would stop doing her makeup or hurry to finish washing up and leave. She wanted to have as little an opportunity to interact with these people as possible. But sometimes she felt like they were fucking with her, and purposely trying to corner her in awkward situations to confront them. In her mind they hated her, and they knew that just one more office scandal involving Tracy might lead to her eventual firing.

 

“Hey Tracy,” Stacey said as she passed Tracy in the hall.

 

“Hey Stacey, how are you,” Tracy responded. Her thoughts of Mike from that morning had clouded her vision, and she hadn’t even realized that her co-worker was coming. She couldn’t stand Stacey’s happy ass, but tolerated her because she usually had the best office gossip. When they first met and spoke at a diversity training session, Stacey went on and on about how cool it was that their names rhymed. Tracy was immediately irritated by her presence. Stacey was so light skinned that Tracy thought she was white at first. And she had natural, bright red hair. That’s why she had looked at Stacey in amazement when she made a comment about how black people in the office shouldn’t be so sensitive to the race thing. But after examining her features more on the sly she realized that Stacey was black herself.

 

“Oh Trace,” Stacey said suddenly and headed back in Tracy’s direction. Tracy hated when she called her by that nickname—she didn’t really consider her a friend, only an associate. Stacey lowered her voice as Tracy came to meet her halfway. “Guess what I heard.”

 

Tracy looked at Stacey with a blank stare, praying that she would just come out with it. Tracy had a very low tolerance for Stacey.

 

“I heard that Mary Higgans was getting transferred,” she finally said in her hush-hush voice. She sounded like she was in pain for having to let the cat out of the bag so soon.

 

“No fucking way,” Tracy whispered, a smile growing on her lips.

 

“Yes way, she’s going up to Operations. I thought you’d like that news, being that everybody knows you can’t even stay in the same room with her ass,” Stacey said freely with a chuckle, not even considering the fact that Tracy and Mary’s strained relationship was a part of secret office gossip. Big mistake. It was something everyone knew, but Tracy didn’t know that everyone knew.

 

Tracy looked at Stacey like she had evaporated and reappeared before her eyes brand new. “What do you mean, everybody knows?”

 

Stacey looked into Tracy’s newly troubled eyes, then down at Tracy’s neck where a vein had popped out, trying to think of what to say. “You know, how you leave the room whenever she’s around.”

 

Tracy stared Stacey down for a moment as if she were counting the rings around her eyes.

 

“Let me tell you something bitch,” Tracy said, stepping forward until she had her right foot held tightly on top of Stacey’s left pump. Stacey tried to back up but couldn’t move her foot from under Tracy’s hoof. When Tracy spoke her voice was hushed.

 

“What I do ain’t none of your damn concern. If I ever find out you been talking about me behind my back Stacey I swear to God Imma ram your ass one time good and I don’t give a fuck who sees it.” Tracy pounded one fist into her other hand. “They can fire my black ass little girl, I just don’t give a fuck!”

 

Stacey couldn’t stop herself from gulping hard and even if she had something to say her throat wouldn’t have allowed it to leave her mouth. She parted her lips as if she were going to speak.

 

“Don’t say shit!” Tracy stopped her before she could even open her mouth, her voice a husky whisper. “You ain’t allowed to say shit to, nor about me, ever again.”

 

Right about now, Stacey was feeling like a big retard for saying anything about Mary in the first place. Despite wanting to scream, shout, apologize and cry at the same time, she just stood there patiently, like a child being punished, and waited for Tracy to let her go.

 

“That’s what I mean,” Tracy said, a little louder than she would have liked. They were standing not too far from someone’s cubicle. She released her high heeled foot from Stacey’s. “Now you are dismissed.”

 

Stacey high tailed it out of there like the devil was chasing her. Tracy watched her leave with her face frowned up in anger. How could she do this to me? She finally started taking slow even steps back to her cubicle and when she got there she was so mad that she felt dizzy. She sat down and felt the sweat starting on her forehead, then on her lip. She bobbed back and forward in her chair, clasping her hands together every few seconds. She was pissed. But she knew this was an office atmosphere, and she couldn’t go off like she really wanted to. Calm down Tracy, she told herself. It was getting hot, and she searched around her to find out where the source of the heat was, but didn’t see anything. Roger, one of the writers walked by her desk, smiled and gave a little wave.

 

What the fuck is he smiling at? she thought as she eyed him as if he had done something wrong instead of saying hello back. He’s probably talking about me too. What else do they know about me?

 

The heat from her cubicle became too much, and before anyone could come up to her and ask her to do something, Tracy went to the office bathroom to cool off.

 

She locked herself in the handicapped stall and leaned up against the wall. Putting her head in her hands, she went over situation after situation in her head. Did people know that she sometimes ate her lunch in the empty conference rooms on other floors so that people wouldn’t see her eating? Did they talk about how she tried to take the routes around the office where she knew there were no video cameras from the lobby watching? God, did they know how she kept three or four nips of Vodka locked in her drawer which she guzzled anytime the coast was clear? And now Stacey’s ass—would she tell on her? Nah, Tracy thought, because she knows that I will kick her ass employed here or not. She had better watch her step for real.

 

Tracy was a wreck. She suddenly had the overwhelming urge to shit. She didn’t like going #2 at the office, especially when she had her period, but this one wasn’t going to wait. Hesitating for a moment, she wrapped her hand in toilet paper and rubbed down the toilet seat. She put about five toilet covers on the seat and sat down, praying that no one would come in until she had finished.

 

Then, as if her prayers meant absolutely nothing, someone came into the bathroom brusquely, pushing the door open with a vengeance. The person boldly walked up to the handicapped stall and shook at the door, despite the fact that it was obviously locked. Tracy jumped and was about to curse the person out, but she just moved onto the next stall.

 

What are you handicapped bitch? And there are eight stalls in here. This bitch just has to sit next to me, Tracy complained to herself. She struggled to hold it in until the woman next door finished peeing, but it was coming fast. Tracy felt as if she were about to faint right there in the stall, the sweat was running down her face at that point. Her cramps were returning. She started to think that she should she hurry up and get it out now so that the sound of the woman’s tinkling might drown out her own undesirable sounds.

 

After hearing the last few drops, Tracy waited impatiently for the woman to wrap it up and leave the bathroom. She stood and seemed to hang out in the stall for a minute before finally flushing and opening the door. She washed her hands for a long time. Tracy felt as if she were going to die when she realized that the woman was just standing quietly in front of the mirror. The urge was too much to bear any longer, so Tracy let loose and flushed the toilet at the same time. She cringed when she felt the sprinkling of water on her backside from the flushing toilet as she nervously grabbed for more toilet seat covers. Wrinkling the toilet seat covers up in her hand, she listened for what was going on outside the stall door.

 

The bathroom door opened again, and Tracy heard two more ladies come in talking to each other.

 

“Hey Mary,” one of them said. Mary! Tracy thought. Ooooo. I should swipe that bitch!

 

“Oh, hey Barb,” Mary almost sounded shocked and dismayed that they had said her name outloud. She now seemed anxious to get out of the bathroom. “Bye, bye.”

 

This was exactly the type of thing about Mary that Tracy couldn’t stand. She always seemed to know exactly what to do to irk her. She probably already knew that Tracy was in the bathroom and took that moment to go in and disturb her, for no particular reason.

 

Tracy was going on 10 minutes in the bathroom now, and had no plans to exit until everyone had left. Plus the bathroom was starting to stink.

 

Another 5 minutes later the two ladies left and Tracy was alone again. Thankfully, they didn’t take forever like Mary had.

 

Tracy hurriedly left the stall. She felt comfortable now that she wasn’t the ‘woman behind door number one’ anymore. The last thing she needed was for everybody to be talking about how “Tracy stank up the women’s bathroom” too.

 

She splashed her face with cold water several times, not caring that she was messing up her foundation. I bet Mary knew it was me in here and came in to fuck with me. She’s lucky she’s leaving cause I’ll put her right on the ass whooping to do list right under Stacey’s if she keep playing with me. She thought mean thoughts about Mary for a while longer and finally headed out of the bathroom with a frown etched across her face. She dared anyone to mess with her the rest of that day.

 




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